Personal Experience Essay - NYU CDI
At the Clive Davis Institute, in addition to coursework focused on professional training and your development as a creative entrepreneur, you will be spending three to four years as a scholar taking a wide range of challenging liberal arts classes. Please understand that large amounts of reading and writing, commensurate with university level study, are assigned and required each semester. Writing is an integral part of our curriculum. To graduate from the program, you must succeed intellectually as well as creatively. With that in mind, write a two-page essay describing a personal experience where you faced a significant challenge, or challenges. Did you overcome these challenges? If so, describe how. Are you still working through these challenges? If so, describe your approach and process. What lessons have you learned facing these challenges, and how have these lessons impacted your personal growth?
Finding myself whilst growing up in the Republic of Panama and experiencing both sides of education in a developing country has been my biggest challenge yet. I was born in Brooklyn, New York and moved to Panama soon after my fifth birthday. Getting acclimated to the language or culture was never a problem as my mom strictly spoke to me in Spanish and my dad in English since my birth. Nevertheless, when it came to fitting in, I couldn’t seem to get it right.
During my early elementary school years, my classmates were disgusted by the food I brought for lunch and snack from home. They made me feel terrible and prompted me to throw my food away at lunchtime or just simply bring it back home. My mom helped me overcome this challenge. One day she helped me have a picnic during lunchtime where everyone was able to try some of the food that I was used to eating. My classmates ended up really liking my food and they even started asking me for some after that. This showed me that a lot of times foul treatment stems from ignorance, but most importantly it showed me that I have the power to change perspectives through education. My biggest
conflict however, was yet to come.
I always say that my life truly changed when I realized that I was black; when I was made “aware” of my “blackness”. It happened around sixth grade when people started developing crushes and relationships started to come into play. After some time, I questioned why no one had a crush on me and would compare myself to the girls that everyone had a crush on. This is when I realized that the only difference I could find was that I was black and that I was the only black girl in my class. My
suspicions were confirmed once I heard someone say “Alessandra is pretty, but she’s black”. Hearing this was devastating, heartbreaking; it was soul-crushing. I was so angry. As a result, I built walls rooted in anger so that no one could see my sadness and then tried to do things to seem “less black”. I tried disconnecting myself from who I was and who I wanted to be by exchanging my culture for those considered mainstream. I remember only listening to mainstream primarily white Pop music. I used it
to neglect my blackness as I always listened to Hip-Hop, Reggae/Dancehall, Jazz, R&B and Salsa. It came to a point in my life where I hated being black.
Dealing with prejudiced kids and living in a country where originality is shunned, being different was the last thing that I wanted to be. Being black did exactly that, it frequently left me feeling lost, ugly and unwanted. Things started to change when I discovered Nigerian artist, Yemi Alade. Thanks to
her artistry, I started to appreciate my Blackness through music. Yemi wore extravagant hairstyles and beautiful prints and exuded confidence; but most importantly, she was accepted. It was then, in the 5th grade that I delved fully into music created by Black people. Through my discoveries, I started to become more comfortable in my skin. Intellectually and emotionally speaking, I learned to see my ethnicity as an asset instead of a liability. Incorporating my Blackness into everything I did became my goal, especially in performing arts. I ditched ballet for Hip-Hop, I incorporated Motown and R&B into my classical voice lessons, and became involved with civil rights.
Although I continue to face challenges with my Blackness in school and social gatherings, I have started to develop ways to keep my head held high. Instead of thinking “they’re all looking at me because I am Black...I shouldn’t be here”, I have now started to think “Yes. I am Black. I am supposed to be here. And while I’m here, let me blow your mind. Look at what I can do”. As I usually find myself in predominantly white spaces, instead of making myself smaller, I make myself larger. I let every part of me take up space; my 4c hair, my colorful prints, my big jewelry, but most of all, my
voice. I allow myself to be heard and to turn heads because I have important things to say and new ideas to explore. Every negative experience that I have had is similar to a small bottle of gasoline that I use to fuel the fire that keeps me alive, engaged and motivated to create art, in its diverse forms, to heal, educate and changes perspectives not only for myself, but for others.